


Swamp The Drain

by KB9VCN



Category: Freakazoid (Cartoon), Pinky and the Brain
Genre: Gen, Humor, One Shot, Parody, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-31 14:39:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15121589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KB9VCN/pseuds/KB9VCN
Summary: Published 30-Jun-2018; crossover/humor/parody; about 1500 words.For the31_days"breathe in the fresh air" prompt.This containspoo gas,doody water, and one scene with POTUS.  Reader discretion is advised.





	Swamp The Drain

**Author's Note:**

> Published 30-Jun-2018; crossover/humor/parody; about 1500 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[breathe in the fresh air](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3337647.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains [poo gas](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=me8nwMPn3nM), [doody water](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ob2vRJvuhpA&t=2m33s), and one scene with POTUS. Reader discretion is advised.

Freakazoid, Cosgrove, and MacStew were sitting on the stools at the counter of the local Papaya Queen and enjoying beverages on a fine summer afternoon.

"What a beautiful day in the neighborhood," Freakazoid said. "Just breathe in the fresh smog."

The three friends took a deep breath in unison— and then they choked on their papaya juice and gasped for breath.

"Something smells STRONG around here!" Freakazoid declared.

"Don't look at ME," Cosgrove said. "[I changed my socks yesterday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cgj001_5qf0&t=11m56s)."

"Congratulations!" Freakazoid said proudly.

MacStew suddenly gasped and pointed. "Oh CRUD!!" he cried.

"WHAT IS IT?" Freakazoid said.

"CRUD!!" MacStew said again.

"I HEARD you," an annoyed Freakazoid said, "but what IS it!?"

"CRUD!!"

"WHAT!?"

MacStew grabbed Freakazoid's head and turned it towards the ground. It was then that Freakazoid saw the waves of sewer water washing over the streets, the sidewalks, and their feet.

"NUT BUNNIES!!" said Freakazoid.

"No, MacStew is right," Cosgrove said helpfully. "I'm pretty sure it's crud."

"Maybe I shouldn't have worn white booties with my uniform," Freakazoid said.

"Don't worry, lad," MacStew said. "They'll be stained dark brown soon enough."

"Oh well," Freakazoid said. "Hey Mike, could I get another papaya juice?"

Cosgrove and MacStew silently frowned at Freakazoid.

"...what?" Freakazoid asked nervously.

Cosgrove and MacStew continued to frown at him silently.

"OOOOOOOOH NO," Freakazoid said. "I'm NOT going down into the sewers AGAIN!! NO WAY, NO HOW, NEVER AGAIN TIMES INFINITY!!"

"Relax, kid," Cosgrove said. "No one's asking you to go down into the sewers."

"Oh. Well, THAT'S a relief," Freakazoid said as he sipped at his refilled papaya juice.

"We'll have to start our investigation at the water treatment plant," Cosgrove said, "and then we'll follow the sewer system from there until—"

Freakazoid did another lengthy papaya juice spit-take.

"[Cut it out](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_i9Fa2UrDAk&t=0m1s)," Cosgrove said sternly. "There's no excuse for wasting perfectly good papaya juice."

"Why do we keep having adventures in the sewers?" Freakazoid whined. "Why can't I have more adventures with palm trees and [hula girls](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eo9ooWAOQic&t=30s) and pineapples and hula girls and surf boards and hula girls and HULA GIRLS AND HULA GIRLS?"

"There's a perfectly logical explanation for that," MacStew said. "Our RATINGS are in the TOILET."

The three friends shared a hearty laugh— and then they sighed sadly in perfect unison.

—

A city bus pulled away from a corner stop, leaving two white mice standing on the sidewalk.

"Here we are, Pinky," said the Brain. "Washington D.C., the nation's capital— and the perfect place from which to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!"

"This place STINKS!!" Pinky declared. "NARF!!"

"You're not the first person to say that," the Brain noted. "And yet, I must agree. The air is practically a malodorous miasma of noxious fumes."

"And it also stinks," Pinky added.

"This simply won't do," the Brain said. "I mean, I DO wish to take over the world because it STINKS— but THIS is RIDICULOUS!!"

"Change of plans, then?" Pinky asked.

"Precisely, Pinky!" the Brain agreed. "We're going to CLEAN UP this city!... Ah, but where to start?"

"How about over there?" Pinky pointed out a wave of sewer water as it flooded the streets behind them.

"That might have something to do with it," the Brain agreed. "To the sewers!"

Pinky began to sing:  
"♫ __[We sing the Song Of The Sewer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-rQppsKLI8)  
Of the sewer, we sing the song  
Together we stand with shovel in hand  
To keep things rolling along... ♫"

The Brain interrupted him. "Pinky?"

"Yes, Brain?... Oh. 'Come along or I shall have to hurt you?'"

"You're finally starting to get the hang of this," the Brain said.

—

Medulla and Oblongata barged into the Lobe's lair, where the Lobe was working on his latest invention. "HEY BOSS!!" Medulla cried. "DERE'S A—"

"Not NOW," the Lobe said. "I'm BUSY working with this EXTREMELY dangerous electrical equipment. And DO mind those high-voltage cables running across the floor— if anything happens to them, well, you MIGHT live to REGRET IT!!"

"BUT BOSS!!" Oblongata said. "DERE'S A—"

"Not NOW!!" the Lobe said again. "HONESTLY, what could be SO IMPORTANT—"

A ten-meter wave of muddy water washed into the room.

A moment later, the waters receded— but only after the Lobe and his henchmen had spent that moment alternating between drowning and electrocution.

"...DAT," Medulla said weakly.

"I wondah if dis kinda stuff happens ta Cobra Queen," Oblongata said.

"I USUALLY get to FINISH my plans before they go horribly awry," the Lobe said sadly. "I wonder if this flood is affecting the frankly ridiculous plans of any OTHER super-villains."

—

"DRAIN THE SWAMP!!" shouted the President of the United States.

The aide who had brought news of the flood sighed. "If we drain the swamp," the aide said, "it will only ADD to the sewer water flooding the city."

"THEN BUILD A DAMN WALL!!" the President demanded.

"If we build a wall around the city," the aide said, "then it WOULD be a DAM wall. It'd hold the sewer water and turn the city into a reservoir."

"YOU'RE FIRED!!" the President snarled, falling back on old habits.

"That's fine," the aide said, "because I've already given notice. This is my last day. Remember?"

"CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING!?" the President bellowed.

"I could order a cheeseburger for you," the aide said soothingly, "and you can go back to your room and spread conspiracy theories on Twitter."

"Alright," the President growled, "but you're still fired."

"Yes dear," the aide said with remarkable patience.

—

Freakazoid, Cosgrove, and MacStew walked into a bar. And then, they filed into the gents' in the back.

"According to my calculations," MacStew said, "the middle toilet is the root cause of the problem."

"Are you JOKING!?" Freakazoid said. "How can ONE TOILET back up the sewers of THE ENTIRE CITY!?"

"It's a 'smart toilet'," MacStew said, "and... well... its control module is powered by a Pinnacle chip."

"Oh," Freakazoid said. "Well, THAT explains EVERYTHING."

"Y'know," Cosgrove said, "I'm beginning to wonder whether using Pinnacle chips is a good idea."

"I've thought about it long and hard meself," MacStew said as he jiggled the stall door handle.

"Do you MIND!?" a voice called out from within the stall. "This accommodation is OCCUPIED!!"

"I beg yer pardon," MacStew said, "but we're here on urgent business!"

"So am *I*!!" the voice replied.

"We're gettin' no place fast," MacStew said. "Sgt. Cosgrove, would ya oblige us?"

Cosgrove knocked firmly at the stall door. "This is the police. Open the door and come out with your pants up."

"Oh, very well," the annoyed voice said. The stall door swung open to reveal the Brain standing on the partly-opened water tank of the toilet in the stall.

"What's that mouse doing here?" Freakazoid asked. "I thought mice usually did their business on newspaper or in shavings."

"I don't comment on YOUR personal habits," the Brain sniffed. "Kindly refrain from commenting on MINE."

"What ARE you doing here?" Cosgrove asked.

"We're lab mice who've put our, uh, usual activities on hold," the Brain explained, "in order to stop this toilet from flooding the city. My associate is currently attempting to making adjustments from within the control module..."

The bidet suddenly activated, flinging Pinky high into the air. Freakazoid, Cosgrove, MacStew and the Brain watched Pinky plunge back into the toilet as if they were in the audience at a diving match.

"...with limited success," the Brain admitted.

"WHEEE!!" Pinky cried from somewhere within the water tank. "That was FUN! Can I go again?"

"In that case, ya can help!" MacStew handed a slip of paper to the Brain. "All ya have to do to stop that toilet is to punch this secret key sequence into the built-in maintenance keyboard!"

"Excellent!" the Brain cried. "Pinky! Do you see a keyboard in there?"

"No," Pinky called back, "but I do see a whole bunch of buttons with letters and numbers on them!"

"Close enough!" the Brain said. "Press these buttons: '@'... '['... '='... 'g'... '3'..."

"Wait a minute!" Freakazoid whispered to MacStew. "Isn't that the same secret key sequence that... YOU know... does the THING?"

"O' COURSE not!" MacStew snapped. "Do ya take me for a fool!? No, THAT nearly-identical secret key sequence is printed on THIS nearly-identical slip of paper that I keep in me kilt, right next to the... the..."

MacStew held up the second slip of paper and glanced at its secret key sequence. "Oh CRUD!!" he said predictably.

"...and then press the 'DELETE' key!" the Brain said, unaware of what was about to happen.

Pinky suddenly screamed as the toilet shorted out and the overhead lights flickered.

"Well, the toilet HAS stopped running," Cosgrove noted.

"Aye," a terrified MacStew said, "BUT AT WHAT COST!?"

"PINKY!!" the Brain shouted. "ARE YOU ALRIGHT!?" 

Pinky slowly climbed out of the toilet's water tank and struck a pose. He was wearing tiny long red underwear, and silver streaks had appeared in his fur.

"I AM... **PINKAZOID**!!" he declared. "NARF!!"

"Oh, THAT can't be good," Freakazoid said.

"It would seem to be a most unfortunate development," the Brain agreed.


End file.
